Wednesday, February 29, 2012

at the hospital

I walk down the long, empty hallway, considering the night. I'm trying hard to convince myself otherwise, but it felt a little tame. A little bit of a let-down after the past two weeks. No traumas that actually needed anything. Certainly not like the guy who was shot in the head, or the other guy who was stabbed. Everyone was telling me I should have been there earlier; it was crazy!

But my night consisted of more waiting than I would have liked.

While waiting for my mom to arrive, I sit down and start writing in my notebook. During the traumas I was writing obsessively, but when I was watching blood being drawn, or the woman's heart being stopped, my notebook was sitting on the counter, forgotten.

I get into the car. I start off slowly, explaining how the person who had a knife in their butt hadn't needed surgery after all. Which is good, for the patient. But I was disappointed.

As I talk, I start remembering more about my evening. I realize that while nothing was crazy like a guy who had been shot in the head, I still got to see some pretty cool stuff.

The prize winner was definitely the three partially severed fingers. Seeing bones poking out of his flesh, the nails intact on one side, and then turning over his hand and seeing halfway through the flesh on the other.

And although the heart being stopped was cool, it was also anticlimactic. You wouldn't have been able to tell the woman had anything more than bad heartburn going on. But the print out of her heart rhythm? Seriously cool.

It may not have been filled with running and screaming and dying. (Which is good for the patients. I recognize it's slightly sick and twisted and morbid when I'm wishing for a guy to be shot in the head. Let's clear that up--I'm not wishing for anyone to be hurt. But I know they will be hurt, and so I would like that to happen while I am standing at the charge desk, wondering what to do.)

But that's part of the experience too. Every day is different, and you never know what you're going to get. And above all, it's a huge privilege to be allowed to even see the blood being drawn. To have this experience at all, and as a high school senior, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Weekly Winners

You can see all my shots for the February photo a day challenge on Flickr.

I only just noticed this week that I posted about not liking to be told what to do, and here I am, being told exactly what to photograph every day. So I've bent the rules some, and just ignored them in other places. Regardless, I'm enjoying spending more time behind my camera; I missed it!

day twenty--handwriting

day twenty one--a fave photo of me (archives)

day twenty three--my shoes

day twenty four--inside my bathroom cabinet

day twenty five--green

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Weekly Winners

You can see all my shots for the February photo a day challenge on Flickr.

Day 14--heart

Day sixteen--something new

Day seventeen--time

Friday, February 17, 2012

on contrary-ness and writing

I don't like being told what to write. How to write. When to write.

I've discovered that with my blog; as soon as I gave myself permission to not feel guilty or obligated, the quality of my writing jumped. More of me was translated into the words, to my reader.

And I'm discovering that with my English classes this year. I thought that it was the genre of Creative Non-Fiction that was giving me such troubles.


Our current unit is fiction/short story. Which I thought I would be pretty good at. I write fiction. Many of my posts are short, self-contained stories.

I even have lots of ideas for stories wirtten down. Whether they're just ideas, or the first few paragraphs.

My problem is not a lack of ideas. Or creativity.

(Although I do find it difficult to continue a half-written story. It's hard to remember exactly where I was going with it. Hard to get in the same mindset, so the writing style will match. Hard, but I've done it. Just not for school.)

So I must conclude that my issues stem from being told what to do. And how to do it.

I don't like being told what to do. It makes me contrary and grumpy. Which makes me procrastinate. Which gives me writer's block. (Or maybe it just makes me think I have writer's block.)

Whatever the cause, I need help. Advice. What do you do when you have writer's block? When you're procrastinating? Will you write my short story for me?

Pretty please?


My first post over at Miss Unlimited is live today. I would really appreciate it if you would pop on over and say hi!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Weekly Winners

You can see all my shots for the February photo a day challenge on Flickr.

Day five--10 am

Day seven--button

Day eight--sun

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Heavy and Light

Life is heavy and light.

Filled with smiles and laughter. Pain and suffering.

Life is both.

The dark times can drag you down. Cover the laughter, the good memories, with dark paint. Paint that completely obliterates them, so you wonder if they were all just a dream. Paint that destroys your hope.

Then, when the light starts to seep back in, you wonder if it's real. It's been so long, and the heaviness is so oppressive.

The heaviness hates the light. It fights with everything it has to hold on to you. To keep you and your soul shuttered away from the rest of the world. From the light.

But I have a secret for you--the heaviness is no match for you. You are filled with a strength that can beat anything. 

Finally, suddenly, surprisingly, the light breaks through. Or maybe, more accurately, you break into the light.

Because it so rarely appears with a fight.

And it's the most beautiful thing in the entire world.

The light, and the different ways in which it allows you to see the world.

The warmth that envelops your body after the long, wearing fight against the heaviness.

And when the darkness comes slinking back, enticing you with its fancy words and whispers about the light that can't last, fight. Fight with every cell in your body. Your beautiful, amazing body and soul that deserve nothing less than the most dazzling light.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Weekly Winners

In an effort to get myself back in touch with my camera (do you realize the last time I posted Weekly Winners was almost a month ago?), I decided to do the February Photo a Day Challenge. I think most people are doing it with their phones, but I am not in possession of a phone that takes anything close to reasonable photos, but I do have a rather fantastic camera. So, here goes.

The first--your view today

The second--words

The third--hands

The fourth--a stranger
(a stretch, I know....)

Friday, February 3, 2012

Miss Unlimited

When I get a comment from someone I don't know, or someone who is listed as 'Anonymous', I'm immediately wary. I have been getting a whole lot of junk comments, ones advertising free designer handbags and other equally fishy sounding deals.

(This is a sign that I'm getting more traffic in general, right?)

So, when I got an email talking about Miss Unlimited, I wanted to check everything out before I got all excited about being asked to guest post.

Lucky for me, they passed my tests. Miss Unlimited is an off-shoot of Aiming Low that is geared towards young women, encouraging them to see the beauty in the unique. Which fits quite well with my idea that normal's overrated.

But the thing that really sold me on being a teen columnist was the response I got when I asked, "What am I supposed to write about?" And what they said was that I just had to be myself. That I didn't have to change myself or my writing style for their blog. Because, after all, the goal of Miss Unlimited is to show that despite our differences, no one is alone. We are all in this together.

And that is a theme I can really get behind. I am still figuring out which part of my writing will become part of the Miss Unlimited collection. But you can be sure that whatever it is, it will be totally and completely me.


There is a little button in my sidebar that will take you directly to Miss Unlimited.

You can also find more information about where I am currently writing, and where I have written in the past, under the new tab Find Me.