Friday, July 20, 2012

how to deal

I woke up this morning with my Facebook feed once again filled with thoughts and prayers and horror over what just happened in our beautiful state (the last time being the fire).

And there it is, splashed across the front page of every news site.

I couldn't stop saying "ohmygod ohmygod". Because really, what else is there to say?

And it's eery because the rest of the posts on Facebook were about friends going to see the movie. Different theater, different town. But still, too close for comfort. Way too close.

So I'm sitting here asking myself what I do now.

My life can't, won't, stop. That's not how it works.

And I am fortunate enough to not personally know any of the families affected. But that doesn't mean they aren't in shock and pain.

My life won't stop. Even though it feels like it should. The world keeps going.

As I see it, I have two choices.

Try to make the world stop. Hole up at home and obsessively read the news. Refuse to go anywhere. Talk about it ceaselessly. Mourn the loss of 12 wonderful human beings.

Or I can go out and return that dress. I can drive with the windows open and play the radio a little louder than usual. I can keep going with my life. But in the quiet moments, in-between songs, I'll stop. Stop to remember the ones who are no longer living this life. And stop to send a wish for comfort, for peace, for something, to all the families and people affected.

I can live my life; what else is there to do?

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


So I finally sent in that advising form. Let's focus more on the "yay, you did it!" rather than "ohmygosh that took you how long?", ok?


I'm having a going-away-off-to-college party in about a month. I so wish you all could come. All of you who have supported me and read my nonsensical rambling for the past however many years.


It's incredibly easy to become anti-social.

It's not that I don't want to see people, it's just that it takes an awful lot of effort. It's so much easier to stay at home and read books and paint my toenails.

But I need people.


I have re-discovered books. Not that I ever gave up on them or anything, just that I got busy and sort of forgot how lovely it is to completely lose myself in someone else's story.

That also means I've been staying up very late. And sleeping in very late.

It's been wonderful.

Although I am a little worried for August 30th, when I'll have to start getting up for an 8am class at least twice a week. That might be a little ugly.


I've missed my blog. I've missed you.

Monday, July 2, 2012

My Groove

I can't seem to find it.

My groove.

My mojo.

It's lost.

It's gone.

It's having all these post ideas running through my head.

It's having thoughts and ideas and feeling like I have no one to share them with.

It's staying up late even though I'm exhausted.

It's all that is out of my control.

It's all that is in my control that I'm not bothering to take control of.

It's my messy room.

It's this one last college form I've been putting off for weeks.

It's everything.

It's that I know that this won't last forever, but I don't know how to make myself snap out of it.

It's reaching endings.

It's missing my friends.

It's smiling so huge, but not being able to keep that feeling.