People laugh when I say "home" in reference to my dorm room. They think it's funny that I call it that, when everyone else says "dorm" or "room". But to me, that just sounds awkward.
And it's true, it has become my home.
Not just my room, but the whole place.
The campus, the people, the community that I have become a part of.
Feeling like I fit in a place, that's what makes it home to me.
That's not to say that my other home, the one I inhabited for almost 18 years, is any less of a home.
It's just....different.
In ways that I can't describe, that I wasn't really even aware of, until I got here.
Home.
This too, is my home.
This place where I fit and I know the routines and ways of existing.
I know this community as well.
It's been interesting, these few days of figuring this all out.
This fact that I now have two homes.
Two equally important places, but so completely different.
I also think that part of the difference stems from me.
I hadn't really thought I'd changed at school, not that I'd given it much thought.
I was still me.
Yet being here, I can feel the differences. The parts of me that don't quite fit with how I used to exist in this space.
I'm different.
And now it's a matter of reconciling the two different me's, within the two different homes.
Showing posts with label my family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my family. Show all posts
Monday, October 22, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Fire
I was blissfully unaware, sleeping until 1:30, curled up in my own little bubble.
It wasn't until my neighbor called, wanting to know about the fire, that I knew something was different.
And then that bubble popped.
Even though I couldn't smell the smoke, I imagined I could.
Imagined it wafting ahead of the flames.
My parents drove home from their weekend away.
As much as I love my time just to myself, I was so incredibly relieved to have them home.
To no longer be the only person responsible for myself, the cat, our belongings, and our home.
I actually slept, although I know people who didn't, because they had gotten that call, and were packing up their cars and families and heading out.
I have had time to walk through the house, to consider each piece.
Everything holds a memory.
Every little thing makes up my home, my safe place.
Yet I realized yesterday when I was madly dashing around, trying to grab it all, that I didn't need to grab it all.
I need myself and the cat.
End of story.
I would miss it all, but all I really need are my parents and my cat.
Of course there are things I would grab; that I have grabbed.
Of course I'm terrified of this being the last time I'll see all my things.
But at this moment I am safe and so are my family and friends.
And that is all I need.
It wasn't until my neighbor called, wanting to know about the fire, that I knew something was different.
And then that bubble popped.
Even though I couldn't smell the smoke, I imagined I could.
Imagined it wafting ahead of the flames.
My parents drove home from their weekend away.
As much as I love my time just to myself, I was so incredibly relieved to have them home.
To no longer be the only person responsible for myself, the cat, our belongings, and our home.
I actually slept, although I know people who didn't, because they had gotten that call, and were packing up their cars and families and heading out.
I have had time to walk through the house, to consider each piece.
Everything holds a memory.
Every little thing makes up my home, my safe place.
Yet I realized yesterday when I was madly dashing around, trying to grab it all, that I didn't need to grab it all.
I need myself and the cat.
End of story.
I would miss it all, but all I really need are my parents and my cat.
Of course there are things I would grab; that I have grabbed.
Of course I'm terrified of this being the last time I'll see all my things.
But at this moment I am safe and so are my family and friends.
And that is all I need.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thank You
I promise this isn't a thinly veiled attempt to get someone to call me back or write me a thank you.
I grew up in a family of thank yous. You're welcomes, sorry's, and smiles. Being gracious, being courteous. In my household, that means asking nicely, saying thank you, responding to people's questions. It was quite a shock when I discovered that not all people have these expectations.
It took a long time for me to not be seriously offended if someone didn't call me back. I learned that with some people, you just can't leave a message. You have to talk to them in person.
After every birthday and every Christmas, I write thank yous. Although it's still not my favorite task, it's no longer a chore.
I like acknowledging a person's time, or effort, or caring. It's important to me to tell people how much they mean to me. Even if it's only a few lines saying "Thanks. I appreciate it."
I keep doing it because I know how I feel when I get a card in the mailbox. It's lovely to know someone is thinking of me, or got something from me, and took the time to tell me about it.
Even as it becomes more common to send an e-mail or nothing at all, I'll continue. It's my way to connect with people and tell them I care about them and appreciate what they do for me, or simply who they are to me.
I grew up in a family of thank yous. You're welcomes, sorry's, and smiles. Being gracious, being courteous. In my household, that means asking nicely, saying thank you, responding to people's questions. It was quite a shock when I discovered that not all people have these expectations.
It took a long time for me to not be seriously offended if someone didn't call me back. I learned that with some people, you just can't leave a message. You have to talk to them in person.
After every birthday and every Christmas, I write thank yous. Although it's still not my favorite task, it's no longer a chore.
I like acknowledging a person's time, or effort, or caring. It's important to me to tell people how much they mean to me. Even if it's only a few lines saying "Thanks. I appreciate it."
I keep doing it because I know how I feel when I get a card in the mailbox. It's lovely to know someone is thinking of me, or got something from me, and took the time to tell me about it.
Even as it becomes more common to send an e-mail or nothing at all, I'll continue. It's my way to connect with people and tell them I care about them and appreciate what they do for me, or simply who they are to me.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
End of October
This year, my mom is the one who gets the extended birthday. Dinner and cards last night. Presents on the weekend. Dinner out with my dad next weekend. Lucky!
I may have been a little over-ambitious with my menu planning: MuShu Vegetables, Sweet Potato Pot Stickers, and Apple Crisp. It was good, and nothing major blew up or spilled, but man, that was a lot of cooking.
To anyone (everyone) out there who does this with more frequency than I -wow. I'm impressed. I have a new appreciation for people who cook. (Notice I don't say chefs...)
Halloween is coming up. When I was younger, and had big birthday parties, October would knock us (my mom) flat.
My birthday, my mom's birthday, Halloween.
Boom boom boom.
I was never over-the-top into Halloween. Dressing up was fun, but the candy was better. I loved it, but it didn't make me crazy.
Our neighborhood is quite sad on the trick-or-treating front. This meant we would have to pack the car up with hot drinks and five extra coats and relocate to a neighborhood more friendly to kids knocking on doors and asking for sugar.
I would usually do some afternoon rounds in town, where all the shops handed out candy. As I got older, friends and I would go out and hit the houses known for handing out hand-fulls of good-quality candy.
I don't really remember when I stopped going. It was several years ago. I had lost interest in dressing up-my brain couldn't take that much creativity.
The appeal of trekking around in the dark to get small pieces of sugar had worn off. Half my friends weren't going. So I stopped. I don't miss it. I do wish we had more kids coming to our house, though, because I've always thought it would be fun to be the hander-outer of candy. Seeing the costumes and how hyper the kids were.
So no plans this year. We have pumpkins. To be carved this weekend. I only want to take off the top and get the seeds to roast. That is one Halloween tradition I'm not ready to give up.
But we always buy a big bag of candy-just in case.
I may have been a little over-ambitious with my menu planning: MuShu Vegetables, Sweet Potato Pot Stickers, and Apple Crisp. It was good, and nothing major blew up or spilled, but man, that was a lot of cooking.
To anyone (everyone) out there who does this with more frequency than I -wow. I'm impressed. I have a new appreciation for people who cook. (Notice I don't say chefs...)
Halloween is coming up. When I was younger, and had big birthday parties, October would knock us (my mom) flat.
My birthday, my mom's birthday, Halloween.
Boom boom boom.
I was never over-the-top into Halloween. Dressing up was fun, but the candy was better. I loved it, but it didn't make me crazy.
Our neighborhood is quite sad on the trick-or-treating front. This meant we would have to pack the car up with hot drinks and five extra coats and relocate to a neighborhood more friendly to kids knocking on doors and asking for sugar.
I would usually do some afternoon rounds in town, where all the shops handed out candy. As I got older, friends and I would go out and hit the houses known for handing out hand-fulls of good-quality candy.
I don't really remember when I stopped going. It was several years ago. I had lost interest in dressing up-my brain couldn't take that much creativity.
The appeal of trekking around in the dark to get small pieces of sugar had worn off. Half my friends weren't going. So I stopped. I don't miss it. I do wish we had more kids coming to our house, though, because I've always thought it would be fun to be the hander-outer of candy. Seeing the costumes and how hyper the kids were.
So no plans this year. We have pumpkins. To be carved this weekend. I only want to take off the top and get the seeds to roast. That is one Halloween tradition I'm not ready to give up.
But we always buy a big bag of candy-just in case.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Getting Close....
Early Tuesday morning, my dad flies to Namibia to teach a month-long course. We have been spending lots of time together. Yesterday I helped him pack (by which I mean I watched and made the occasional comment while he ran around the house gathering everything up and making all the important decisions). We played a game, walked outside, and he made the smart decision to skip the horrible awful movie that my mom and I suffered through (Sixteen Candles).
My last day with my tutor is Monday. I am very excited for school to be over, and am looking forward to a summer with no homework. I will still have to do several chemistry labs, but I am choosing to forget about that at the moment. Unfortunately, I will still have to take two chemistry (noticing a trend here?) tests after Monday, so I won't be done. Almostdone is not the same thing as done.
We finally made a decision and bought a camera last week, and so I have been spending lots of time outside playing with the settings and learning my way around the features. It is very fancy (at least for me), but in this case fancy equals good pictures. I feel like I have learned the basics, so I now need to read the manual and learn more details.
My dad is going to take the camera with him, so I will be stuck with the old one for the next month.
Which is sort of too bad because I am going to take a photography class beginning in June. From what I understand, it is a pretty basic class for point and shoot cameras. I hope I will learn about lighting and composition and some more advanced concepts as well. I think I have pretty much mastered "turn your camera on".
I will also be taking a class focused on tress. Painting and drawing and writing. I have never been particularly excited about still-life drawings, but the class description caught my attention. I hope it will be fun and different. You may be seeing a lot of drawings of trees.
My mom's back went out on her for no apparent reason on Friday, so she has been lying on the couch and making funny groaning noises for most of the weekend. I don't know what else to do besides offering chocolate and waiting.
Thursday afternoon we found a bird on our back steps that had clearly flown into our big windows. This is a pretty common occurrence, despite the "hawk" stickers meant to dissuade any birds from flying into the windows. The birds are usually okay after a while, but sometimes their necks are broken and they don't make it. (I have created a sad little bird graveyard. We have a serious problem of grave robbers. No suspects. At least it's not Smokey.)
This bird was shaking and shivering and just looking very sad and small. I put on some gloves and held it for a while, and then left it to recover on its own. A few hours later it was looking even smaller and shakier, and so I convinced my mom to let me bring it inside overnight.
I put it in a cardboard box with a towel and a small saucer of sugar water. Smokey was very intrigued by the bird smell and the closed door. Friday morning, before my mom and I left to run some errands, we were able to release the bird into our backyard. It still looked very small, but wasn't shaking and seemed pretty much recovered. Yay for happy endings!
We figured out it was a female pine ciskin.
My last day with my tutor is Monday. I am very excited for school to be over, and am looking forward to a summer with no homework. I will still have to do several chemistry labs, but I am choosing to forget about that at the moment. Unfortunately, I will still have to take two chemistry (noticing a trend here?) tests after Monday, so I won't be done. Almostdone is not the same thing as done.
We finally made a decision and bought a camera last week, and so I have been spending lots of time outside playing with the settings and learning my way around the features. It is very fancy (at least for me), but in this case fancy equals good pictures. I feel like I have learned the basics, so I now need to read the manual and learn more details.
My dad is going to take the camera with him, so I will be stuck with the old one for the next month.
Which is sort of too bad because I am going to take a photography class beginning in June. From what I understand, it is a pretty basic class for point and shoot cameras. I hope I will learn about lighting and composition and some more advanced concepts as well. I think I have pretty much mastered "turn your camera on".
I will also be taking a class focused on tress. Painting and drawing and writing. I have never been particularly excited about still-life drawings, but the class description caught my attention. I hope it will be fun and different. You may be seeing a lot of drawings of trees.
My mom's back went out on her for no apparent reason on Friday, so she has been lying on the couch and making funny groaning noises for most of the weekend. I don't know what else to do besides offering chocolate and waiting.
Thursday afternoon we found a bird on our back steps that had clearly flown into our big windows. This is a pretty common occurrence, despite the "hawk" stickers meant to dissuade any birds from flying into the windows. The birds are usually okay after a while, but sometimes their necks are broken and they don't make it. (I have created a sad little bird graveyard. We have a serious problem of grave robbers. No suspects. At least it's not Smokey.)
This bird was shaking and shivering and just looking very sad and small. I put on some gloves and held it for a while, and then left it to recover on its own. A few hours later it was looking even smaller and shakier, and so I convinced my mom to let me bring it inside overnight.
I put it in a cardboard box with a towel and a small saucer of sugar water. Smokey was very intrigued by the bird smell and the closed door. Friday morning, before my mom and I left to run some errands, we were able to release the bird into our backyard. It still looked very small, but wasn't shaking and seemed pretty much recovered. Yay for happy endings!
We figured out it was a female pine ciskin.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Fragmented Thoughts and Mother's Day
Lately my life has been feeling fragmented. Like I am hopping from stage to stage, playing the different roles in my life, the different parts of me, but I have lost the thread that connects them all. They are turning into separate stories.
Today I spent time trying to uncover that thread from beneath all the little things that can cover it. I have lists everywhere, stacks of sticky notes, with things I need to do, or look up, or remember. It was as simple as Googling a person, and as complicated as some long overdue emails to friends.
I read. For hours. I have so many books that I pick up and read a few paragraphs of and then put down. It is very hard to keep track of plotlines and characters, let alone actually learn anything from the authors. I am reading about the Iraq and Vietnam Wars, Obama and his history, and a few just for pleasure. Just re-remembering the plots makes me feel more grounded and secure.
My brain has been filled with ideas for stories. I tend to have great ideas that get abandoned. The ideas come few and far between, and I usually have trouble picking the story back up after I have left it for a while. I am trying to get some of the ideas down. I don't know what I'm going to do with them; they are probably going to go nowhere. It feels good to just get it out and on thepaper screen.
iTunes is still a mess after the last time our computer hard drive was re-imaged. A lot of my music has been lost to the abyss of technology and so I took some time to determine what is truly lost, and what is just buried and hidden away.
I did homework. There wasn't a lot to do, but it was enough that I felt better and less pressured after I sat down and just did it.
I went through over a week's worth of pictures. I am still really enjoying taking pictures and exploring the view from behind the lens. I do feel as though I am running out of things to photograph. I don't know how this is possible; even though I am mostly confined to the house, there is so much to see and capture. I need to get more creative and find different angles and ways to look at the same things.
My dad and I (mostly him) have been working on researching cameras and buying a new one. Hopefully we'll get it sometime this week. I am excited to see what kind of improvement in terms of picture quality and zoom capabilities it will have and all the new features I am sure it will be packed with.
Mother's Day was Sunday. I am sure most of you are aware of that. Less known is that it was also my parents' anniversary (23!). There are beautiful flowers in every room.
Plus my new orchid. I think this obsession is growing more quickly than I originally thought.
My mom's one request was a picnic. Our stomachs were full of fresh-squeezed lemonade, chicken curry sandwiches, and strawberries. We went to a local park and relaxed in the sun for a few hours.
I painted a big flower pot and donated in her/their name to the World Wildlife Fund. I adopted a blue-footed booby. It's awesome. And blue.
And some random photos from the week:
Today I spent time trying to uncover that thread from beneath all the little things that can cover it. I have lists everywhere, stacks of sticky notes, with things I need to do, or look up, or remember. It was as simple as Googling a person, and as complicated as some long overdue emails to friends.
I read. For hours. I have so many books that I pick up and read a few paragraphs of and then put down. It is very hard to keep track of plotlines and characters, let alone actually learn anything from the authors. I am reading about the Iraq and Vietnam Wars, Obama and his history, and a few just for pleasure. Just re-remembering the plots makes me feel more grounded and secure.
My brain has been filled with ideas for stories. I tend to have great ideas that get abandoned. The ideas come few and far between, and I usually have trouble picking the story back up after I have left it for a while. I am trying to get some of the ideas down. I don't know what I'm going to do with them; they are probably going to go nowhere. It feels good to just get it out and on the
iTunes is still a mess after the last time our computer hard drive was re-imaged. A lot of my music has been lost to the abyss of technology and so I took some time to determine what is truly lost, and what is just buried and hidden away.
I did homework. There wasn't a lot to do, but it was enough that I felt better and less pressured after I sat down and just did it.
I went through over a week's worth of pictures. I am still really enjoying taking pictures and exploring the view from behind the lens. I do feel as though I am running out of things to photograph. I don't know how this is possible; even though I am mostly confined to the house, there is so much to see and capture. I need to get more creative and find different angles and ways to look at the same things.
My dad and I (mostly him) have been working on researching cameras and buying a new one. Hopefully we'll get it sometime this week. I am excited to see what kind of improvement in terms of picture quality and zoom capabilities it will have and all the new features I am sure it will be packed with.
Mother's Day was Sunday. I am sure most of you are aware of that. Less known is that it was also my parents' anniversary (23!). There are beautiful flowers in every room.
My mom's one request was a picnic. Our stomachs were full of fresh-squeezed lemonade, chicken curry sandwiches, and strawberries. We went to a local park and relaxed in the sun for a few hours.
I painted a big flower pot and donated in her/their name to the World Wildlife Fund. I adopted a blue-footed booby. It's awesome. And blue.
How can such an evil weed be so beautiful?
There is wisdom in those timeless, terra cotta eyes.
From me,
to you, Happy Mother's Day.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I should be doing homework.....
I totally should be doing history right now. But I figure that if I tell you, it counts. Right? I just took a break from doing work to eat some lunch. I had some quinoa while sitting on the exercise ball attempting to balance. The balancing went okay, just not the keeping the food in my mouth part.
Quinoa is very tiny, and surprisingly hard to clean up. It can't be swept, so I ended up picking up each piece. Long story short-don't follow my example. Never eat quinoa on the exercise ball. In fact, it would probably be safe to say never eat on the exercise ball at all.
Not much going on. I am looking forward to the weekend, mostly because there is football on, and that has become my way to relax. In addition to reading a good book. But I haven't been able to find a really good book for a while. Suggestions? It always amazes me how many truly awful books are published, let alone read. Or maybe I'm just really picky. I have very clear ideas of what makes a good book, and it can be hard for someone who has never met me (ie the author) to get all those parts in one book that is a length I can actually tolerate.
So I listen to music, and knit, and listen to the Inheritance series on CD, and watch football, and play with my parents. We are currently going through a "Catan phase". It's this boardgame we get out every once in a while, and then play non-stop for several weeks until we get tired of it. Then it gets put away until I cave to my parents' begging and we repeat the process.
We are all qutie competitive, so it can get kind of tense. Yet we still keep coming back for more. I guess it's just really addictive, or we might be really obsessed.
Quinoa is very tiny, and surprisingly hard to clean up. It can't be swept, so I ended up picking up each piece. Long story short-don't follow my example. Never eat quinoa on the exercise ball. In fact, it would probably be safe to say never eat on the exercise ball at all.
Not much going on. I am looking forward to the weekend, mostly because there is football on, and that has become my way to relax. In addition to reading a good book. But I haven't been able to find a really good book for a while. Suggestions? It always amazes me how many truly awful books are published, let alone read. Or maybe I'm just really picky. I have very clear ideas of what makes a good book, and it can be hard for someone who has never met me (ie the author) to get all those parts in one book that is a length I can actually tolerate.
So I listen to music, and knit, and listen to the Inheritance series on CD, and watch football, and play with my parents. We are currently going through a "Catan phase". It's this boardgame we get out every once in a while, and then play non-stop for several weeks until we get tired of it. Then it gets put away until I cave to my parents' begging and we repeat the process.
We are all qutie competitive, so it can get kind of tense. Yet we still keep coming back for more. I guess it's just really addictive, or we might be really obsessed.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
A Lazy Weekend
Both computers are now up and running. The laptop was having issues connecting to the internet, but that got figured out. The big problem was that we had the wrong password. An anti-virus software might also have been causing some problems. We think it was slowing down the processes so much, that the computers just locked up. Anyway, we're all good now.
I have managed to get another cold, so I haven't been feeling so hot the last three days. The tutor came on Thursday for the first time, and came again yesterday. She is very nice, and more importantly, a good teacher. I think we are just going to try it, and I'm going to do what I can for a while. There are definitely still kinks to work out, but hopefully they will solve themselves.
Yesterday was the yearly check-up for our furnace, which meant I had to get up earlier than usual. I live on the bottom floor, and the entrance to the crawlspace (where the furnace lives) is through my room. It wasn't too horrible, and it actually worked out pretty well because I got most of my homework done super early. That always makes me feel good about myself!
Today has been a very relaxed, lazy day. It is finally sunny and warm, so my parents have been busy doing yard work. We have all split up now, and are doing our seperate things. I finished the math worksheet from yesterday, and it was surprisingly painless! I guess it's not too surprising that I remember most of the material; I worked through the summer, so everything is pretty fresh in my mind.
Even Smokey looks relaxed. (And very tolerant of the camera!)
I wasn't too excited about doing house-related tasks, so I came inside and started flipping through cookbooks. We have an international cookbook that tends to be forgotten behind the other cookbooks. I found two yummy looking recipes for Pineapple Upside-Down Cake and Tikki Chicken. The cake came out pretty well, considering it had to be flipped over. The chicken is marinating; we will cook it closer to dinner time.
My dad is watching two football games. I usually like to watch with him, but today I just couldn't settle down. (Don't ask me why I can settle down to write this, though.) Neither game is close, which makes them pretty boring for me. And seeing as I don't follow or root for any teams, I guess it isn't that surprising that I don't feel like watching.
The Divison of Wildlife called today, with an update on the hawk we had in our backyard. Remember him?
He is doing well, and yesterday was the first day he was put in an outdoor cage. He flew the length of it twice, which is excellent news. (Both of his wings were broken.) When he is ready to be released back into the wild, we will get to help. I will keep you updated on his progress.
As I write this, my parents are plotting something (I would say something evil, but I'm almost positive it's for my birthday, and that's definitely not evil). I am very curious as to what they are doing. This morning my mom was doing something secret on the computer....
Any plans for the weekend? Do you have anything special you are looking forward to?
I have managed to get another cold, so I haven't been feeling so hot the last three days. The tutor came on Thursday for the first time, and came again yesterday. She is very nice, and more importantly, a good teacher. I think we are just going to try it, and I'm going to do what I can for a while. There are definitely still kinks to work out, but hopefully they will solve themselves.
Yesterday was the yearly check-up for our furnace, which meant I had to get up earlier than usual. I live on the bottom floor, and the entrance to the crawlspace (where the furnace lives) is through my room. It wasn't too horrible, and it actually worked out pretty well because I got most of my homework done super early. That always makes me feel good about myself!
Today has been a very relaxed, lazy day. It is finally sunny and warm, so my parents have been busy doing yard work. We have all split up now, and are doing our seperate things. I finished the math worksheet from yesterday, and it was surprisingly painless! I guess it's not too surprising that I remember most of the material; I worked through the summer, so everything is pretty fresh in my mind.
Even Smokey looks relaxed. (And very tolerant of the camera!)
As I write this, my parents are plotting something (I would say something evil, but I'm almost positive it's for my birthday, and that's definitely not evil). I am very curious as to what they are doing. This morning my mom was doing something secret on the computer....
Any plans for the weekend? Do you have anything special you are looking forward to?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Grandparents
Over the weekend my grandparents spent a few hours at our house. They both have Alzheimers disease, so we have gotten really good at answering the same questions over and over, and over.
My grandfather really enjoyed seeing pictures of one of my dad's trips. My grandfather was in the second world war and loves talking about anything to do with that. He wasn't in direct combat, so he actually has really good memories of that time. It's amazing all the details he remembers from then, but he doesn't know anything about the present.
They just moved here from Massachusetts in the spring, so we're still getting used to them being here, but it's great to be able to see them more often. I feel so lucky that I get to spend time with them. They still remember me, (although they know me as "Junior"), which is great.
Do you have grandparents? Do you get to see them?
Monday, August 24, 2009
Hello and Welcome
This is my second official blog, although my first attempt had a grand total of three posts. Here, I plan on writing about anything and everything that pops into my head.
Some things to know about me:
Some things to know about me:
- I am a sophmore in high school
- I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, but that is not going to be the focus of this blog
- I am a Harry Potter geek
- I live with my two parents and my cat
- I am on the liberal side of things
- I love to travel
- I love to read-fiction
- Music of all kinds is one of my best friends
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