Monday, July 25, 2011

on things i'm loving right now... illness not being the center of every conversation i have. people have moved on, i'm moving on, i'm getting better. it's so wonderful to hear about other people's lives. to not be watching people's expressions as i explain, wondering if they really get it. or if they even believe me.

...feeling better. i love that i can say that. no ifs ands or buts. it's a fact. not fixed, but better.

...being a senior. depending on my mood, this could also end up on a "things i'm hating right now" list.

...thinking about college. again with the mixed emotions. but, it's going to happen. i am thrilled and nervous and terrified and excited.

...functioning headphones.

...two huge piles of books sitting by my bed. i can't wait to sit back and dig in.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Monday, July 18, 2011


I rarely go barefoot anymore.

I'm either wearing socks, or shoes, or my stockings. (I wear compression stockings every day for medical reasons.)

I don't walk outside. I don't get to feel the rough gravel under my feet, or curl my toes into the grass.

I miss the solid feeling of the ground beneath my feet. Feeling connected to the earth.

I point my toes and take little leaps over the prickly pine needles. The grass is long; it tickles my ankles. The moist soil greets the soles of my feet. I step on something squishy. I'm pretty sure it was a mushroom, but I don't really want to know.

My leap lands me on a large flat stepping stone. Artificially made to look natural, my feet immediately know the difference. Too uniform intexture, the edges are too round.

I hop lightly from one to the other, avoiding the stray pieces of bark that have made their way onto the path.

Another skip lands me on rough concrete. The worn down texture, with all its grooves and bumps, gives away its age. The small bits of gravel and sand, indistinguishable from the concrete according to my eyes, are shap outcroppings against my tender skin.

The mat outside the door is soft and slightly damp. It gently caresses my feet as the wipe the earth from them. I prepare to step inside, onto the cold, unforgiving tile.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Friday, July 15, 2011

The End

The doorbell rings.

I jam my hat onto hopefully-presentable hair and adjust my glasses one last time. Bag slung over my shoulder, I walk quickly to the door.

I fumble with the lock for a moment, able to see her face beyond the door, before it finally releases. I wrap my arms around her in a big hug, careful not to poke her with my hat or glasses. I don't want to think about how long it's been.

We both step back, and she makes introductions between me, her boyfriend, and my parents. There are a few sentences of small talk exchanged before my parents wish us well, and we leave.

I hold my hat; my glasses and cloak are stuffed in my bag as we walk to the entrance. No one questions our tickets, but direct us through lines of caution tape to join the waiters.

It's 5:45 PM, only six hours and 17 minutes to go.

The tile is cold and hard, but then the Boyfriend remembers he has a sleeping bag in his car. So that's what boyfriends are for!

Marginally more comfortable, we kick off our shoes, prepared to wait.

I do my best to not look at the time every five minutes; I know it will just make the wait that much longer. We play Harry Potter Uno and I can't keep track of the direction we're supposed to be going.

A man in a Gryffindor scarf yells at us to stand up, so the whole line dutifully picks up their stuff that has magically expanded in the last hour and walks forward through the maze. After five minutes of standing, it is apparent that is all the movement we will get for a while, so the sleeping bag is set back down, shoes are kicked off, cards are reshuffled, and the time is checked.

Another round of Uno is played. The Friend and Boyfriend have a pretzel and pizza, while I attempt to read my book. People are talking loudly, and it seems that with each new person that joins the line, everyone feels the need to increase their volume level.

A quiet couple are behind us.

In front of us we see friends from school. The Friend and Boyfriend know the people who camped out last night in front of the theater and have now claimed the coveted first spot in line.

I see a golden snitch, and a Platform nine and three quarters. A few Bellatrixes, a Snape, multiple witches and wizards. My hat and glasses have long since been discarded, in the hope of becoming slightly more comfortable.

Our new spot is next to a wall, which is lovely to lean against, at least in theory. But my back doesn't seem to think it's much better.

I make my way through several rows of people, and stand in line to buy a four dollar coffee. I need all the caffeine I can get.

By the time I get back, it appears we're going to move again. Anything for a change of scenery. And it's only 8 PM. I don't want to think about the next four hours.

We end up on carpet this time, but by butt is already numb and can't really tell the difference. My knees are complains loudly, whether curled up or out straight. My back is long gone, and my hips are starting to ache. I'm trying really hard not to think about all this.

The Boyfriend comes back, disgusted with the new policy of no free refills. I read a few more pages. We discuss the movie.

We sit. We wait.

Finally, we stand again. Four friends come and join us. People are surprisingly fine with people joining the line. I'm just a little put out that they get such a good spot, only because we've been waiting for the past three hours. I go to the bathroom, again. When I come back, the hall is empty, quiet. It's nice for about two seconds, but then I realize I'm going to have to find my group in the theater, and I don't have my cell phone.

I find them. After freaking out only a little.

We sit. At least I'm semi-comfortable now. We wait. We cheer every hour, as 12:02 creeps closer and closer.

We talk. I entertain the idea of dozing off, but it's not going to happen. This had better be a really good movie.

The lights dim. A cheer that makes my head hurt rises up from the hundreds of people in our theater. I add to the noise, clapping and cheering.

The music begins. We quiet down. And wait for the magic.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Beginning

The young girl, let's call her Tailynn, stretches out on the bed. It's not the most comfortable bed in the world; it's one of those pull-out couches that you only tolerate when you're visiting family. It is barely big enough for both her mom and her own growing frame.

Her mom stretches out beside her, and they both kick their feet up, relaxed. Tailynn's grandparents are taking their afternoon nap, and have left Tailynn and her mom to entertain themselves for a few hours.

Caren opens the brand new book. Purchased in the airport, it was double the regular price, but it was something she felt she would need to keep Tailynn entertained.

The spine cracks in a satisfying way, signifying that it is ready to share the story it holds within it.

Caren clears her throat, and begins, "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much..."

Monday, July 11, 2011

Fears vs. Dreams

Fears vs. Dreams from To Write Love on Her Arms. on Vimeo

Fear: To be alone.

Dream: To find someone who loves me for me.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Weekly Winners

Vote for me!!

on names

Names start out as just a title. Just something everyone calls you. But slowly and so quickly, they become you. 

I have always loved my name, but I left that behind when I started this blog. I became Terrie, mostly for safety reasons. But in a way, I became Terrie. At least online. I left comments and posted little bits of my life here, for the whole world to read. But it was in a strangely safe environment, because no one really knew it was me. Because I was Terrie.

Now, though, I'm changing. Merging the real me and the online me.

My real name is Tela. A name I love, and that is me.


Vote for me!!

Friday, July 1, 2011


The beginning of a new month. It usually blows right by me, the changing of the calendar. It means I change my contacts. And that's it. But this month, this means that my summer is disappearing. Much too quickly, slipping away as I read and eat popsicles. That is what summer is for, but there is a part of me that feels like I should be doing more. Or at least doing something. That part of me that wants me to go go go, go be productive, go contribute in some grand way. And I'm not. I'm resting. Volunteeering a few hours of my time each week. The rest is spent in laziness.

This is me, trying to convince myself that laziness is good.

It is, I know that. To rest and stop and just breathe.

In. Out. In. Out. In.

To be quiet. To stare off into space. To forget, even for a few, blessed seconds, about my to-do list. To sway to the music, get lost in the story of the drums. To smell the flowers, and notice the birds. To savor the fresh fruit.

I am sitting. Quietly. Not doing anything except writing these words.


In other news, Circle of Moms has nominated me as on of the Top 25 Kid Bloggers!! I would love it if you would take three seconds to vote for me, once a day, until July 22.

Circle of Moms Top 25 Kid Bloggers .