Fire

I was blissfully unaware, sleeping until 1:30, curled up in my own little bubble.

It wasn't until my neighbor called, wanting to know about the fire, that I knew something was different.

And then that bubble popped.

Even though I couldn't smell the smoke, I imagined I could.

Imagined it wafting ahead of the flames.

My parents drove home from their weekend away.

As much as I love my time just to myself, I was so incredibly relieved to have them home.

To no longer be the only person responsible for myself, the cat, our belongings, and our home.

I actually slept, although I know people who didn't, because they had gotten that call, and were packing up their cars and families and heading out.

I have had time to walk through the house, to consider each piece.

Everything holds a memory.

Every little thing makes up my home, my safe place.

Yet I realized yesterday when I was madly dashing around, trying to grab it all, that I didn't need to grab it all.

I need myself and the cat.

End of story.

I would miss it all, but all I really need are my parents and my cat.

Of course there are things I would grab; that I have grabbed.

Of course I'm terrified of this being the last time I'll see all my things.

But at this moment I am safe and so are my family and friends.

And that is all I need.

Barefoot

I rarely go barefoot anymore.

I'm either wearing socks, or shoes, or my stockings. (I wear compression stockings every day for medical reasons.)

I don't walk outside. I don't get to feel the rough gravel under my feet, or curl my toes into the grass.

I miss the solid feeling of the ground beneath my feet. Feeling connected to the earth.

I point my toes and take little leaps over the prickly pine needles. The grass is long; it tickles my ankles. The moist soil greets the soles of my feet. I step on something squishy. I'm pretty sure it was a mushroom, but I don't really want to know.

My leap lands me on a large flat stepping stone. Artificially made to look natural, my feet immediately know the difference. Too uniform intexture, the edges are too round.

I hop lightly from one to the other, avoiding the stray pieces of bark that have made their way onto the path.

Another skip lands me on rough concrete. The worn down texture, with all its grooves and bumps, gives away its age. The small bits of gravel and sand, indistinguishable from the concrete according to my eyes, are shap outcroppings against my tender skin.

The mat outside the door is soft and slightly damp. It gently caresses my feet as the wipe the earth from them. I prepare to step inside, onto the cold, unforgiving tile.

Monday Morning Thoughts

I've pretty much settled into my routine. Waking up an hour and a half earlier certainly wouldn't be my first choice, but my body seems to be unmovable. It does make my mornings a lot longer!

 I am heading out for take two of the SATs in about an hour. After this, I should be done with standardized tests. Just one more item I can check off my list.

I had a nice weekend; seeing grandparents, planting tomatoes, celebrating Mother's Day, putting screens back on the windows, and just generally soaking up the beginning of summer.

Not my favorite season for weather, but the no school aspect of it does a pretty good job of making up for the horrific hot-ness. And there's something undeniably hopeful about it. The start of a new season, greeting the new plants, preparing for the inside/outside ratio to flip.

I am driving. On back roads. With my father trying to pretend he's not hanging on for dear life. Be very afraid. I am.

I have two more weeks of school. Excuse me while I go through a party.

First Snow

“Goodnight. I love you.” She closes the door behind her. Feeling the rough surface of the wall, she makes her way past the bathroom and into her bedroom. It is slightly illuminated by light coming in through the partially open shades. Still clutching her books, she makes her way across the cluttered space to say goodnight to the world.

A ray of light bounces into her eyes. Surprised, she presses her face against the shade’s slats.

A shrill squeal of “Snow!” escapes as her books tumble to the floor.

“Snow!”

She runs back across the room with no regard for the haphazard piles. Slipping slightly on the slick floors, she rounds the corner, rips opens the door, and shrieks, “Snow!”

Her dad’s head jerks up, startled by her sudden appearance. The girl grabs his arm and drags him to the nearest window. Ripping open the curtain, she points, proudly proclaiming, “Snow!”

“Oh, wow. You’re right, that’s a lot of snow.”

“I know! It’s the first actual snow! It’s actually covering the ground and sticking and everything!”

“Let’s go outside!”

The girl blinks, hesitating for a split second. She is surprised that her dad is volunteering to go out into the cold, after bedtime. 

However, she doesn’t leave him time to change his mind. Jamming her stocking feet into the closest pair of shoes, she reaches for a coat. “Hurry! Come on! Let’s go!”

Barely giving her dad time to grab a hat, she wrenches open the door.

She breathes in the cold air. Laughing, she trips out onto the driveway.

“Snow.”

In awe, she looks up. Flakes fall steadily, buffeted gently by a wind.

“It’s snowing!” Her voice is raised, probably too loud, but she is too involved in the magic to care.

Her dad steps out as well. Their feet squeak slightly with each step. Their hair is already coated with a fine layer of white.

They continue forging a path out onto the deserted street. Her dad reaches down to scoop up a handful of white fluff. The ball hits the girl with a surprising amount of force.

A wide smile breaks out on her face.

She laughs.

An uninhibited, pure sound, as she reaches down for a snowball of her own.

She jumps at each one. Her grin is bigger than she thought possible, but she doesn’t notice. She is captivated by the white, transformed world. Her last handful of snow doesn’t become a ball, but is thrown up, only to rejoin the flakes on their steady path down. They pelt her upturned face, stinging her eyes, which are opened wide.

Her arms outstretched, she spins. Down the road. She looks around in amazement and awe.

She stops beneath a streetlamp. Its fluorescent light illuminates the path of each flake. From afar, it looks as though the sky is glowing.

She turns, grinning, to face her dad.

“It’s snowing!”

Her voice is filled with joy. Looking down the empty street, at the uninterrupted path of snow, at the silent houses.

She feels elated.

She feels alive.

She skips back to her dad. Grinning, she sees a peaceful look on his face.

They link arms. The girl glances around one more time, trying to absorb it all.

She sees a blind moving in a house, as a neighbor quickly withdraws their head.

Her dad says, “We’re being watched.”

“Yeah.”

She barely thinks about her flattened, snow covered hair, her pink pajamas, or her three unzipped coats.

She doesn’t care, filled as she is with the feeling of hope.

Walking back up the front steps, she sees the branches are no longer bare. They are covered with a layer of snow. It is an unfamiliar color, long forgotten from previous snowfalls.

Looking down, she leaps between the footprints she left only minutes before.

They stamp their feel underneath the porch’s protection. She gives the world one more glance. She fixes it in her mind. She fixes the feeling it has brought in her memory.

When It Rains, It Pours

A dry creek bed encircles our property on two sides. It rarely runs, and it usually isn't very much. Yesterday was an exception; it rained from about 2 pm on. Taken from the safety of the house:

Once the thunder and lightning receded into the distance, I ventured outside with my camera safely hidden in a pocket, beneath an umbrella.

We even had small rapids in our backyard!

As for the title, I was sure I could come up with some larger, life-related metaphors for "when it rains, it pours", but I'm drawing a blank. I'm sure they're out there. I just don't think it counts to say my memory has gone from bad to worse. (Or maybe it's just my imagination.)

Getting Close....

Early Tuesday morning, my dad flies to Namibia to teach a month-long course. We have been spending lots of time together. Yesterday I helped him pack (by which I mean I watched and made the occasional comment while he ran around the house gathering everything up and making all the important decisions). We played a game, walked outside, and he made the smart decision to skip the horrible awful movie that my mom and I suffered through (Sixteen Candles).

My last day with my tutor is Monday. I am very excited for school to be over, and am looking forward to a summer with no homework. I will still have to do several chemistry labs, but I am choosing to forget about that at the moment. Unfortunately, I will still have to take two chemistry (noticing a trend here?) tests after Monday, so I won't be done. Almostdone is not the same thing as done.

We finally made a decision and bought a camera last week, and so I have been spending lots of time outside playing with the settings and learning my way around the features. It is very fancy (at least for me), but in this case fancy equals good pictures. I feel like I have learned the basics, so I now need to read the manual and learn more details.

My dad is going to take the camera with him, so I will be stuck with the old one for the next month.

Which is sort of too bad because I am going to take a photography class beginning in June. From what I understand, it is a pretty basic class for point and shoot cameras. I hope I will learn about lighting and composition and some more advanced concepts as well. I think I have pretty much mastered "turn your camera on".

I will also be taking a class focused on tress. Painting and drawing and writing. I have never been particularly excited about still-life drawings, but the class description caught my attention. I hope it will be fun and different. You may be seeing a lot of drawings of trees.

My mom's back went out on her for no apparent reason on Friday, so she has been lying on the couch and making funny groaning noises for most of the weekend. I don't know what else to do besides offering chocolate and waiting.

Thursday afternoon we found a bird on our back steps that had clearly flown into our big windows. This is a pretty common occurrence, despite the "hawk" stickers meant to dissuade any birds from flying into the windows. The birds are usually okay after a while, but sometimes their necks are broken and they don't make it. (I have created a sad little bird graveyard. We have a serious problem of grave robbers. No suspects. At least it's not Smokey.)

This bird was shaking and shivering and just looking very sad and small. I put on some gloves and held it for a while, and then left it to recover on its own. A few hours later it was looking even smaller and shakier, and so I convinced my mom to let me bring it inside overnight.

I put it in a cardboard box with a towel and a small saucer of sugar water. Smokey was very intrigued by the bird smell and the closed door. Friday morning, before my mom and I left to run some errands, we were able to release the bird into our backyard. It still looked very small, but wasn't shaking and seemed pretty much recovered. Yay for happy endings!

We figured out it was a female pine ciskin.

My Day in Pictures

Today is an overcast day that hasn't quite fully committed to being gray. The sun makes an appearance occasionally, as do large raindrops that splat on my head.

It is a quiet day. My sluggish thoughts are interrupted by the birds singing happily.

My day in pictures:

A Friday Night Update

1) I finished a painting that I have been working on for several weeks. I am pleased with how it turned out; it is so different than anything I ever imagined myself doing. I am going to start a similar painting in a few weeks (my teacher is going to be out of town for a few weeks) and I think I want to try something that has more continuity. This was pretty random, and I was just enjoying experimenting with the technique. This meant I was doing a lot of what I wanted to do and not thinking about how it would look as much. Fun, but maybe art does require a little thought.

2) I love how messy my hands are after art. I don’t really make an effort to be clean and neat, because that takes half the fun out of it, but it always amazes me how much of my painting ends up on me. Case in point:

3) I bought a new orchid today. I am slowly but surely becoming obsessed. But can you really blame me?

4) I am writing this post in Word because Blogger is being dumb and stupid and I am not in the mood to wrestle with the computer. I don’t know why this issue with formatting has suddenly come up, but here it seems like it is here to stay. It only happens when I add a picture, and then the alignment gets messed up. I just think it looks weird, even though it doesn’t really matter. Also, there isn’t a spellcheck in the regular “compose” section, just the html. It is sad how dependent on spellcheck I am.

5) A few weeks ago I was accepted into my high school’s chapter of the National Honor Society. It basically means I have a high GPA and am active in the community (see 6). The “Induction Ceremony” was on Tuesday night. I probably should have guessed or known or something (seeing as everyone else did. Maybe they were told. Or maybe everyone but me is psychic.) based on how fancy the name sounds (it’s a ceremony), that it was a dressy event. Seeing as I’m not psychic nor did I receive a memo, I showed up in jeans and paint splattered shoes. Everyone else was wearing ties and dresses. There was one other person in jeans. (At least I was wearing a semi-dressy top, because I thought for sure it wasn’t a dressy event, but just in case, I wouldn’t stick out quite as badly with a dressy top.) I think it would be even more awkward to be in a dress and heels at a casual event than what I did, but I haven’t been in that situation, at least, so I can’t say for sure. I lived through it, because I told myself I didn’t care. I have to say, I cared a little bit, but there really wasn’t anything I could do, short of leaving, so I dealt with it.

6) I applied to be a tutor for younger kids who have trouble with reading and writing. I hope I get in because it sounds like fun interacting with the kids, and I would feel like I was doing some good for the community. I need the hours of volunteer work for NHS, but my summer is also looking very open and empty. I’m all for hanging out and doing nothing, but there’s only so much of that I can take. I am also looking into other volunteering opportunities with Water for People and if those don’t work out, maybe the Humane Society.

7) I have been taking pictures like crazy. Here are some of my favorites:

8) I refuse to feel guilty about not posting for so long. (But in the interest of full disclosure, I totally do.)

It Makes Me Feel Alive

It is so amazingly beautiful outside. The wind is blowing hard from every direction and a few lone clouds scuttle across the brilliant blue sky. The wind almost feels like an ocean wind. It whips my hair around and blows open my eyes. It makes the walk uphill hard, but it is all worth it when I see yellow daffodils that have survived the cold winter to face this glorious day.

I don't require swimsuit weather when days like this come along.

Everything looked a little brighter walking home after art. I love that I just spent an hour and a half painting with no plan and throwing sponges dripping with watery paint at a canvas. It makes me feel more alive. And my hands stay dirty as a reminder to me of this happiness I felt. That I get to feel every Tuesday morning.

***

We celebrated a very non-religious Easter on Sunday. I like it that way; it is more about the celebration of spring and new beginnings and chocolate eggs than it is about getting up early to get dressed up and go to church. (Let me make myself clear; I have nothing against the people who do go to church, or whatever their place of worship. I don't know enough about this holiday to say it more eloquently than that, but I am not trying to disrespect anyone's beliefs. This was not something I was brought up with, and so I have come to love our routine.)

My mom and I bought some chocolates and then spent our lunch outside in the sun filling brightly colored plastic eggs with treats. Everyone got a chance to hide, and we are all getting more devious. The most fun is when an egg is discovered weeks or months later. That is the mark of a true hiding spot. (Although it's not so good when the chocolate is not in an egg and has been stuffed down between couch cushions and slowly melted and oozed. That's not Easter-that's work.)

(The leg looking things on some of the eggs are actually suction cups. Cool idea-too bad they don't work.)

My dad and I did get into a....scuffle over a particular egg hiden in a lightbulb covering. I somehow ended up on the floor twice, and did not end up with the egg. (In my defense, he does have a good four inches on me and over 60 pounds.) A Starburst was small consolation for this terrible loss of an egg.

Happy Spring and I hope you are enjoying the weather.

Pictures in No Particular Order

My mom is back from her trip and so here are the promised pictures, and one from my walk around the house. It's very spring-like (despite the snow on the ground).

New haircut (this isn't a particularly good view of the actual hair, but you get the idea).

Smokey was not happy when I came at her with the camera. But the camera, and my fingers, are still intact.

I bought my first orchid a few days ago. Goal one: don't kill it.

The painting I described a while ago is done and hanging in our dining room.

And the spring-like picture.

A Touching Book

It has been snowing here since Saturday night, and is predicted to continue through Wednesday. Of course, this only matters, because, wait for it, I got a snow day! So being the serious slacker that I am, I did some more Spanish homework. I know, it's kinda sad, right?

Anyway, yesterday was cool, because we all went sledding. I wasn't in total abandon and screaming mode, because my head and neck and shoulders and whatnot are still quite bad from the procedure (on Tuesday!), but I still managed to have some good snowy fun.

The road right next to our house is actually a pretty decent sledding hill, as long as we go out before too many cars go over it. And as long as we don't get run over by any cars. There is the added danger of trees lining the road, and a very un-steer-able sled.

We got a few good runs in, and then I came inside while my parents shoveled and swept. Then they came inside because it was really snowing. Hard. All day. It was cool. So I sat inside and did homework and watched football and beat my parents at Wizard. (Because I am a wizard. Or witch. I'm magical.)

*****

One of the prompts for the Best of 2009 Blogger Challenge (I am so far off the dates, so I'm just writing on whatever prompt I want to) is to write about a book that touched you. I have read, and re-read, several excellent books this year, and to my surprise, one actually came to mind when I saw this prompt. 

It was one that I picked off the library shelf because it looked interesting, and it turned out to be a really good book. It was Shift by Jennifer Bradbury. I think it was well written, had good character development, good plot, and in other words, had all the elements that make a good book, but it also fit what I was going through personally at the time.

Two best friends decide to ride their bikes cross-country after graduation, just because. Near the end of the journey, one disappears, with no warning, leaving the other friend hanging. The book switches back and forth between the friend who got left behind and where he is in the present, and the ride.

It certainly struck a cord with me, and while it didn't make what I was going through (still am, as a matter of fact) any easier, it showed the acceptance, the moving on, and the ability to remember the good times.

And now I'm welling up and getting very sentimental, so I'm going to leave it there. But it was a great book, and I would most certainly recommend it.

A Blah Day with Good Memories

Today is a very cold, sort of nasty day in that it is below freezing and very windy, but snow-less. I have been reading other blogs all morning and am now very jealous of all the pretty snow. It makes the cold a little more bearable because it is just so fun and pretty to look at.

Yesterday I had a procedure done that is supposed to help with my headaches. I got about 40 shots in my head, neck, and shoulders that will block the nerves and get the muscles to relax, which should in turn help with my headache. So far I am not impressed, but the doctor said it could take up to a week for it to take effect, so I am trying to remain open-minded.

*****

This year I thought it might be fun to participate in The Best of 2009 Blogger Challenge. So today I get to discuss my best vacation from this year. Now, I didn't actually take any vacations, unless you count driving to doctors, so I am going to sort of cheat and do one that my dad took.

He taught a college course in Argentina in October/November. He took students down, and they learned all about the ecology and biology of the area for about a month. He was very missed back here, but he had a wonderful time, and came back very tan and full of life.

He has taught this course in previous years, and my mom and I went for a few weeks one of the earlier times. It was great; we got to see spectacular views:

swim in ridiculously cold glacier water:

and see penguins in a desert:

My dad was pretty happy too, what with all the new, interesting plants. (He's a plant guy.)

So this year, I guess I lived vicariously through others.

What about you? What was your favorite trip this year, or any year?

Snow!

This isn't the first snow, but in my book, it counts as the first snow. It is sticking, and according to my mom, the roads are icy, so to me, that means snow. And winter. Which is weird, because it is mid-October.

Okay, so this is seriously wishful thinking.....but two ski areas have opened in the state!

For some odd reason I decided today would be the day I would go outside and walk around. After not going outside for three days. Maybe I have cabin-fever. I wore long underwear, a winter jacket, gloves, a scarf, everything, and I was still cold. I even had a red clown nose to show for it. But I feel a little better; less cabin-fever-ish.

Following up from yesterday post: My neck is still stiff and I feel a little off and shaky, but overall, much better. Which is very good. I hope I didn't freak anybody out with my last post. But let me just re-iterate this: I am fine. I only went to the ER to be safe, and everything they did was to make me comfortable; I was never in serious danger.

I can now say that all the medical shows are for the most part highly inaccurate. There is not that much rushing around and yelling and screaming. Although there was someone whose house had burned down, everyone seemed pretty calm.

I think we are going to start a fire (in our wood stove, I realized that sounded a little odd) later, because it is so cold. Everyone is freaking out about the cold weather only because it is the first day of true coldness. Smokey, our cat, is not happy. She is sort of stalking around the house glaring, and curled up in tiny balls on the heaters.

Over the summer we replaced our carpet with hardwood floors, so she doesn't like not being able to curl up on the warm carpet.

Any plans for the weekend? What is your weather like?

I hope you have a warm, healthy weekend.

Mountain Climbing and Peach Eating

It's been a pretty low-key week. I'm on my third cold since the start of the school year (impressive, I know), but my spirits are pretty good. I'm not going to school most of the time, which has been very confusing to my school. I feel like it might finally be getting worked out, and that everyone sort of knows what's going on.

My mom climbed a mountain with two friends today. She is already in bed, exhausted. It was pretty bad weather to do anything, let alone climb a mountain over 14,000 feet.

My dad and I had fun while she was gone; football season has started (!), so we got to watch a few games while she was away. My dad played in high school, so he explains all the many, many rules to me. I still don't really know what's going on, but I know it's big when they say something like "92 yard punt return".

My mom bought a huge box of peaches on Friday and we've already eaten our way through a peach cobbler and about 10 plain ones. They're wonderful!

Tomorrow we are having a few families over for a potluck dinner. We meet every few months at a different house, and just catch up and play. It's at our house, so everything is sort of creepy-clean. (Well, my room is.) Several of them have the sniffles, which is kind of scary with my immune system being so low. I think I'll attack them with hand sanitizer before they walk in the house.

Any big plans for the weekend?