the difference between what is right, and what is easy

this is what runs through my head as I walk back.

as I leave the party before everyone else.

when I'm going back to my room, not out to the next party.

when I'm not dressing up for the 80s theme.

when I say no, I can't.

or no, I'm tired, and people don't get it.

they make fun of me for being lame.

or nerdy.

it's the feeling that I know I will appreciate this action I'm taking in the future, but right now, it sucks.

right now, I'm the only one walking back, not heading out.

the only one in my PJs, getting ready for bed.

at least it feels that way.

but I am doing what is right for me.

it's not always the fun thing, the cool thing, but it's what will allow me to keep this up.

I am making the right choice.

people

People are important.

Relationships are important.

I think this is pretty obvious.

Sometimes I forget this though.

I like to imagine how much easier it would be to go through this world as my own little community. Of one.

But then I connect with people in a way that just goes so far beyond what I expect.

These people that I somehow have the pleasure of knowing are amazing.

They get me.

It's also important to note here that a relationship through the interwebs, as the result of technology, is just as real as anyone I may have met in person.

That is all, for tonight.

People are amazing. Keep at it. It is worth it.

Campus

I think there's worth to be had in learning to love my own photos as they are--straight out of the camera, no editing. I think it's also easier. And stems from my confusion about what software/program to use, now that Picnik has abandoned us.

Today

Today I left my room smiling.

Today I feel beautiful.

Today I read two letters at breakfast, letters that wrapped me up in a big hug.

Today I have things to do, places to go, pictures to find, homework to finish, essays to start.

Today I will take time for me.

Today I will take time to let the smile spread from my face through my whole being.

Today I am happy.

Today is better than yesterday.

Hello World

I am [insert adjective here].

But mainly avoiding homework.

Turns out I have nothing else to say.

Because all I've been thinking and talking about is Bio and it would really be nice if I could just forget about it, even for just a little while.

My big Saturday night plans involve some friends and a yet-to-be-decided-on movie.

Until then we are supposedly doing homework.

Ha.

I think I've done as much organizing as I can. Which is my go-to mode of procrastination.

I'm an interesting mix of always being on top of and ahead of things, while also being a very good procrastinator.

I much prefer how I feel when I'm ahead of things, but, you know.....

Okay, I'll make you a deal.

I will sit down (wait, I'm already sitting down) and work on this essay for 40 minutes. And then I will do something else. Something fun. Like reading blogs. Except I've been such a good procrastinator that my reader is empty and that's just sad.

So while I'm hard at work, you all work on some blog posts! My procrastination needs you!

sustainability

Yesterday I was asking myself if this was sustainable.

This=everything.

The living this far away from home.

The being utterly responsible for my health.

The homework and expectations.

The workload.

The social aspect.

The responsibility for my life.

The everything.

Is it? Really?

Last night I wasn't sure.

Last night I knew that all I could do was stop. Continuing to stare at the page wasn't helping, neither was the pretending to work while reading blogs and Facebook and email.

Last night I made popcorn and sat in bed and watched Grey's Anatomy.

Yes I did.

And just now, when I asked myself the same question, it still didn't really have an answer. And I thought how nice it would be to have something to look back on and say "Yes! This will work! Because I survived that."

And then I thought to myself, well, I do have that. Not years or months, but I do have something. I have yesterday. And the day before. I've had good days and bad days. In-between days. But I've survived. 

That gives me hope for today, and tomorrow, and the next day. 

on the road (a week ago)

All taken on the roadtrip from home to college. Which yes, did happen over a week ago. Also all SOOC.