Monday, December 31, 2012

The End of Another Year

It is the last day of the year.

I'm sure most of you are aware of that. Given this special date, I felt like I should say something. Something reflecting on the past year, looking ahead, making resolutions, choosing my word for the new year.

This year has been fantastic. Truly. Filled with huge changes. Filled with health and friends. New experiences and old comforts.

2012 really brought it.

Some of 2013 I can see.

In typical Tela fashion, I have it all mapped out.

Some of it, though, I can't see. It's impossible to plan it all out.

It will be full of surprise and love and heartache. I think that is a given for any year.

I will be challenged. I will continue to grow and figure out who I am and where I belong.

It will be a good year. Of that I am sure.

And, to all of you who maybe didn't have the best 2012 (there seem to be an awful lot of you):

I hope this year improves things. I hope you can find the laughter and love in between the hard times. I wish all the best for all of you.

Each and every one.

Happy 2013.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

this crazy world

The truth of our world is that there is a lot of bad. There are unexplainable, bad, sad, evil, awful things that happen.

I feel like they've been piling up a little bit lately.

It is so incredibly to let them bury me.

To get caught up in the news of the bad.

All the negative reporting, the focus on the tragedies.

The deaths that happen around me. Some expected, some not.

Both ways, they still leave an impact.

For me, it's a matter of balancing the bad with the good.

It's a matter of living with my eyes open and allowing myself to feel pain and sadness. It's also a matter of finding the good. The in spite ofs.

The fact that in spite of all this, this awfulness, there is good.

There is joy.

There is love. 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

a break

Last night was wonderful.

Last night was like a Friday in the middle of my week.

It was a night where I let myself off the hook.

It's been a hard few weeks. So I stopped. I did things for fun, I didn't worry about the papers to write or the fact that I had to wake up at 7 this morning.

I finally, finally, got back to the hospital.

Even though I was only being trained to volunteer, it invigorated me.

There's something about hospitals that brings me alive.

Even this unbelievably small hospital, that was "very full" with the same number of total patients that is an average day for the floor I volunteer on back home.

I can't wait to be back. In that environment, helping people, doing what I love.

Then I went and ate cookies and listened to Christmas music and made paper snowflakes.

Then I made some more paper snowflakes and talked and watched Doctor Who.

Then I wrote a letter to a friend. A long overdue letter. Telling her I love her. Because I do. I love them and miss them, all those people back home. Sometimes it's just easier and quicker to not think about that, to not stop and take a moment to actually think and feel.

Last night was wonderful. Just the break I needed, to be able to push through these last days of the semester.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

from the weekend

Hello again. What is this craziness? Posting two days in a row? I think it's me being stressed and needing some small relief from homework.

It's possible, just maybe, that I'm letting the stress of finals getting to me.

We are fast approaching what is known on campus on "Hell Week" so I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised.

It's just that, well, a lot of things.

My mid-sems weren't that bad, I skated through high school (mostly because I was much more focused on my health than my education) and so haven't experienced hard core finals, and a bunch of other things too.

Anyways, I'm getting off topic.

I came here to talk about finding the funny amidst the stress. And how time management includes self-care.

Which I'm doing. Today I went for a walk with a friend and got a coffee and then watched SNL.

I think that encompasses all of the above for stress-relievers.

But I still had my freak outs.

Mostly because my internet decided that today would be an appropriate day to die.

I'm sorry, this post has no point.

You deserve a medal for reaching the end of it.

Because this is the end, promise.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Home, Part 2

Last time when I wrote about home, there was a very clear delineation in my mind.

I had my first home, the home where I grew up.

It's the place where my parents are. Where my kitty lives. Where I know everything and everyone. I have my routines and things are comfortable.

I had my new home.

My college home.

The place I was still figuring out, where I was constantly meeting new people and learning new things.

In the past two months, those lines have been blurred. Those lines between one home and the other are no longer quite so clear.

I now have friends here. Close friends, real friends. They're my people. The ones I laugh with and cry with. Ones I know I can lean on when the times get tough. It took the times getting tough for those bonds to form.

We live together and share so much. We learn and we grow and we whine and complain.

This is my home.

Yet, I still want to go home.

I want to go to my house, I want to see my parents. When I think of that home, I think of being wrapped up in the biggest hug. It's my comfort place.

I know that I will miss this place too.

I'm all confuzzled.

I guess I can have two homes. If that's what works for me, then it's perfect.

I've also really learned that it's the people that make a place what it is. It's the people I love and miss, no matter where I am.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

far away

The worst thing, I have decided, about being far away from some of the people I love, is the lack of hugs.

Sure, I can write to them. I can talk to them. I can even see their beautiful faces.

But those times when I want to run around screaming because I'm so happy, or wrap them up when I'm sad, those I can't communicate.

Sometimes words aren't enough.

They can't communicate what I'm feeling.

Hugs are what I use when the words "I'm sorry" aren't enough.

Sometimes they just don't cut it.

So right here, these paltry words on your screen, these will have to do.