Wednesday, December 14, 2011


I breathe in for four beats. And then out. One. Two. Three. Four.

As my arms drift down to the floor, I can feel the tension draining out of me. I always hold it in my back, in these two spots that I can never reach without stretching.

I never take this time anymore.

It used to be part of my routine.

Every night, I would stretch and meditate and just be.

I would make a conscious effort to not think, to let it all go, and just be in that moment.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped.

My reading and writing and desire to curl up in bed and go to sleep took over.

All good things.

Which is why I didn't really notice.

I thought that if I was replacing one good thing with another, it shouldn't make a difference.

Not so.

There are so many good things, things that help me to stay centered, and to remember who I am. The writing and reading and sleeping are parts of this. But they were never able to replace the slow breathing and mindfulness of meditation.

Yesterday I needed it. To be quiet. To move slowly, but with purpose. I needed to recenter.

I don't know if it helped or not.

Because although I went to sleep early, I was awake for two hours during the night. And then awake an hour early.

I don't think it was because of the meditation. I hope not, because it feels like it could really help me.

I think I am stressed out, and worried, and unsure of what to do, or how to handle all of this.

I think it could have been worse, had I not taken the time to slow down last night.

But I'm not sure.


Unknown said...

breathing. how easy it is to forget to do.

this reminds me to take the time to do my 4 square breathing too.

thank you.

Anonymous said...

hi just registered ,, tina