Tuesday, May 8, 2012

the end of the year sappy-ness is starting

In my room, my graduation gown is hanging. With my dorky mortarboard and colorful cords. Just waiting.

Two weeks.

Tomorrow I take my AP Calculus test. I don't remember how much I've said about all that business here. Mostly because I've been talking about it incessantly everywhere else. And it's been sort of nice to take a break from thinking about it all.

Friday is my last day of observation in the hospital. Writing the final essay is just making me sad.

But also confirming everything that it's taught me.

But mostly the sad thing.

Maybe that's where all this end high school emotion is going. Because I gotta say, I'm not feeling much of it about high school. It just feels like another stepping stone, or some days, a big hoop to jump, on my way to something new. Something bigger.

It feels like I've only been at this school for a year. This one year where I've really started over in many ways. With friends. With classes.

Leaving everything else behind.

Or at least trying to.

Pretending to.

And although I've made some friends, some really great friends, actually, I'm ready to move on.

I'll remember them, think of them fondly, send them Christmas cards. But I don't feel very attached, at least in the long term. I knew going in that it was going to be one year. And so, while I didn't hold myself back, I also knew this was coming.

And now that it's upon me, I am more than ready.

2 comments:

Ginger said...

I hope you enjoy your last few weeks in high school. I can only imagine the emotion, good and bad, that comes along with leaving a place you found not only yourself in, but everything else, too.

At least it was preparation for the world, and you're out to put it into use anyway. It's nice you'll send everyone Christmas cards, too.

You never really leave a school.. It will always have some mark on you, in one way or another.
:)

Jessica said...

I hope that you do well on your exam. I know that you will do great!!