Tuesday, October 12, 2010


It is almost halfway through October. That means I've been doing this -school, tutor-for almost a month and a half.

Time is tricking me.

I feel that length in the repetitive routine. Remembering what it feels like to have scheduled events every day. To have homework.

Yet it all seems so new and confusing. My schedule did just get shaken up, in an effort to make life less confusing.

More than that, though, I think it's the uncertainty. I don't know what each week will bring in terms of health. It is unknown how I will feel, how much school I will be able to attend, how much time I will spend on the couch.

Each week, each day, is different. New. Unknown. The past is getting so distorted that it can't help me see into the future. Not that that's an easy task to begin with.

So time, please slow down. Give me a chance to catch my breath. I want to remember the days as more than a blur. And I want to feel sane enough to be able to look forward to the coming days.

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