Once

Once, I rose with the sun.

Once, I greeted every day with a smile, and there was always a “good” in front of my morning greeting. Now, there are loud, blaring alarm clocks. There are grimaces of exhaustion. And you should consider yourself lucky if you get more than a grunted “Hi”.

The smiles and appreciation of the day come later. I find them now in my friends. In our mocking comments about worthless homework, whispered stories about boys during class, late night texts, sharing almost-forgotten secrets and observations.

Once, I loved school.

I looked forward to the start of a new day of learning. Now, I see school, high school, as a hoop that must be jumped, in order to get to the good stuff.

I have high hopes for college and the years beyond.

I dream of once again seeing every morning as a good one. I dream of eagerly heading to work. I dream of finding friends that I can totally be myself with.

I dream of the perfect life. A life I know doesn’t exist. But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming. And although I know this perfection doesn’t exist, I keep dreaming, because dreams are important, and they let me know what I want, even if it’s completely unattainable. They carry me to a place devoid of alarm clocks and fatigue and irritation with the daily grind.