Again

The wind blows gently over her face, mussing her hair. She tucks it more securely behind both ears and turns to her right to check one more time.

She gets the go-ahead. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. The metal is cold against her sweating fingers. She turns the keys. The engine catches and rumbles to life.

Looking down at her feet, she repeats to herself, "Clutch, brake, gas".

On her right, the stick is firmly in first. With hands glued at 10 and 2, she eases her foot off the brake. Oh! Wait. She forgot to release the clutch. Her right foot slams onto the gas while she yanks her foot off the clutch. The car splutters, protesting loudly, and then goes silent.

Again.

She breathes.

Positions her feet back onto the clutch and brake, prepared to try again. Looking right, she gets a quick smile. Turning her attention back onto the road ahead, she checks her mirrors.

Turns the key. Checks the mirrors again, just in case a car has appeared on the deserted dirt road behind her in the last 12 seconds. She's still in first.

Clutch off, brake off, gas on. Gently. Oh so gently. Carefully.

The car jerks forward. And goes silent.

Again.

Monday Morning Thoughts

I've pretty much settled into my routine. Waking up an hour and a half earlier certainly wouldn't be my first choice, but my body seems to be unmovable. It does make my mornings a lot longer!

 I am heading out for take two of the SATs in about an hour. After this, I should be done with standardized tests. Just one more item I can check off my list.

I had a nice weekend; seeing grandparents, planting tomatoes, celebrating Mother's Day, putting screens back on the windows, and just generally soaking up the beginning of summer.

Not my favorite season for weather, but the no school aspect of it does a pretty good job of making up for the horrific hot-ness. And there's something undeniably hopeful about it. The start of a new season, greeting the new plants, preparing for the inside/outside ratio to flip.

I am driving. On back roads. With my father trying to pretend he's not hanging on for dear life. Be very afraid. I am.

I have two more weeks of school. Excuse me while I go through a party.

Weekly Winners: Mother's Day

My Weekly Winners, plus a few flowers for all the moms out there on Mother's Day.

Alive

There is a poster leaning against my wall. It is a recently white wall; I just took down two posters that have been up for years. Perfectly nice posters, but it was time for a change. There is something I love about open, white walls. Something cliched about new beginnings and the promise of hope....

This new poster is supposed to be "me". How in the world I think I am going to capture all of me, all of my complicated being, on one poster is beyond me, but I'm trying. 

It needs more, but I'm not quite sure what that more is.

Here is what it holds so far:

Alive

Hope

Dream

Learning

Read

Español

Cranes

Breathe

Love

Travel

Music

Freedom

Write

Connections

Camera

At least we live tonight.

Bring light where you see darkness, bring freedom where there is fear, and begin to heal.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

In the midst of winter, I discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.

Nothing worthwhile is achieved overnight.

Don’t count your owls before they are delivered.

As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.

It’s just enough to find a way to open up again and learn to taste all the beauty that’s inside.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Weekly Winners

Minus Two Hours of Sleep

This morning my body decided it would be appropriate to wake up two hours earlier than the scheduled time. Which is really much too early. I have decided it must be the light, because the light I can fix. I will get one of those eye-cover contraptions and be all sleepy like a normal person.

But today I am awake. I wish I could say I had been productive, but really, I haven't.

I ate breakfast. Like usual. Except for the two hours earlier part. And I started a new book. One that I know I have pretty much no chance of finishing in the two weeks the library gives me.

I did math homework. And by did, I mean I spent five minutes on each problem, banging my head on the table and trying to figure out ways in which I could convince my tutor that the book has multiple typos, and therefore I am actually correct.

I turned on the computer and attempted to restart it, which took about 29 minutes. But I did get to read The Economist, which makes me feel smart.

I uploaded some pictures from my camera to the computer, after which I discovered that the vast majority were out of focus and pretty terrible.

I emailed a few people. I guess that counts as semi-productive.

And now I am here. After reading about Haven's  early morning, which inspired me to write this post. Which I'm pretty sure is completely nonsensical and definitely does not get a check under the "productive" column.

Weekly Winners