grateful

Cells are filled with organelles, all with specialized functions and definitions. All of which must be in my head. So I'm all happy and bouncy and smiley.

It's just what naturally happens when I talk about any medical stuff.

And the random thought just passes through my mind that if I hadn't gotten sick, I might not have discovered, or might not even have, this love for medicine. It was this brief thought that just came in and then left.

And then I sat there for a moment and actually thought about it and went and dragged that idea back onto center stage. Because really.

What if?

What if I hadn't found this thing that I'm so passionate about and that makes me so happy? Sure, I probably would have found it, or something else.

Eventually.

But no, this is the path I'm on. And this path, right at this moment, is me ending the day smiling. And I found myself feeling grateful for my illness. Which just sort of stopped me in my tracks.

I've never felt that before. Nothing even remotely close.

I've recognized how it has changed me, but acceptance is a far cry from grateful. I mean, why the hell should I be grateful for something that took my health and freedom and happiness for three-plus years? Thing I am just now starting to get back.

But there it is: grateful.

I love the path I am on right now.

And tonight I realized that my illness has given me the insight and compassion and passion to pursue a difficult and demanding career. It's given me empathy and sympathy. It's put me on a path that I love, that makes me so ridiculously happy. And for that, I'm grateful.