Locked

I should  know that.
That math problem.
It's not clear.
I don't get it.

But I know this stuff.

I know that information is there, somewhere.
I can feel the information locked inside me.
It's there.
I know it is.
But unreachable.

Staring at the paper, numbers swimming, doesn't magically release it.
That information stays locked away.
I have no control over it.
I know it is there, but it isn't up to me to decide when I can access it.
Need does nothing to coax it out.

Until it's back.
I don't notice its silent return.
When it once again becomes part of my life.
Rejoins the reachable information.

So I forget.
What it is to lack that piece.
Until it retreats again, silently.
Behind locked doors.

I don't know what it's like to have it stay.