Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Picture On My Wall

I still have her picture on my wall.

My (former) best friend.

It makes it sound so final.

Which is appropriate. Because here I am, months later. It was final, and it is final.

I have good memories.

I also have bad memories.

I gave away the last thing she gave me.

All momentos of our friendship have either been hidden or thrown away. It was a punch in the chest when I opened a drawer, and there it lay. So innocently. A piece of paper, saying she missed me, she hoped I got better soon. She signed it "Love".

It was a punch in the chest for the five minutes it spent on my floor, waiting for me to decide my next step. It got shoved in my closet with other memories.

But then I forgot about it.

I hadn't thought about it until now.

I don't hate her, but I'm also not sending her a Christmas card.

So maybe it's okay I still have her picture up. My room isn't plastered with her face.

I rarely look at that wall. My eyes don't usually register her face.

Occasionally I see it and feel a pang of regret.

But it's not a punch.

She was an important part of my life. I don't want to write her out of it.

2 comments:

Rachel M. said...

I'm really sorry, it happened to me to, my high school best friend dumped me in college. She suffered from really bad depression, I may have been too energetic, I don't know. For awhile I missed the closeness I thought we had but I finally moved onto other friends who accepted me as I was.

Kimber Leszczuk. said...

It is okay to keep pictures that remind us of happier times. I still have photos of my ex-husband who beat me. He was a jerk but I figure my daughter might want to know what her biological father looked like one day. My current husband is her "daddy". He even legally adopted her but I still have the photos of her biological father to give to her one day when she is grown up. Photos are okay.